Thwarting | the argot of an eidolon

the demise of any mobile phone pagan owns

Yesterday. Yesterday I lost my phone. AGAIN. Yes, again. I think it’s the… 6th time? 8th?

I first realized my phone was missing when I was sitting in a meeting room with a bunch of movers-n-shakers ladies waiting for the chair to arrive. There was really no point going back to the waiting room which I sat for about 1 hour waiting for the meeting to commence, really, as I knew it in my heart that it will be gone. Just like it was no point pointing out to all the very helpful staff, who helped me searched high and low for it by the way, that my phone is nicely bundled up in the sweet-pinky-fluffy-too girly-phone pouch that I just bought in Times which one couldn’t possibly miss. I mean, that’s why they stole it at first place isn’t it.

Oh yes, I forgot, I put my phone on silence, thereby killing any possible chance to ever find it again. I was going in to a meeting, wasn’t I?

First, it was rage. How could anyone be so stupid to grab a lousy samsung – not forgetting the cutest pink phone pouch – and not return back to the pretty gal who didn’t notice it fell off her bag?

Secondly, it was terror and then rage. All the information and pictures and music and contacts and the lovey-dovey SMSes that JC sent to me were GONE! Hmm… no, I don’t have any nude pictures inside it. Thank God. I mean, how can ANYONE be so INSENSITIVE?!

Then, it was a feeling of helplessness. Losing touch with the whole world, i.e. fingers-reaching list of good friends, family, lover, workmates, and vendors isn’t a great sensation unless you are in a monatory trying to sort out your life. And I had no one to call to and tell them I’ve lost my phone – albeit again, and no way to channel my anger and frustration. What an irony.

To get even better, my internet connection cocked up on me when I arrived home and tried to do a shoutout in gmail, msn and facebook that I lost my phone. The sense of soliditary gets keener. My hormones were deeply affected as I was feeling PMSy anyway.

After all that, I mean after 24 hours without the phone, I was trying to feel ‘Zen’ about it. No phone, no connection, no interaction, no bother. I tried, but failed. I felt shitty the whole day and still am. And I feel very, very, absolutely lonely.

Makes me wonder if losing a mobile nowadays is equivalent or worse than losing a lover.

the cause of traffic jam

Ever since the government decided to wantonly hike up the fuel price, the rush hours are somehow getting weirder. The usual 7am jam is virtually non-existant, while the previously non-existant 8.00pm jam started! Car pool people, car pool! Like what my friend and I are doing. It is a waste (of your money and street space) to lug around a huge pile of metal just because one person inside wants to go to point B.

So yesterday when I drove from KLCC to Pavilion to pick up my friend CChinz, which took me 45minutes by the way, we had to let 3 police cars squeezed past. I ain’t see no accidents anywhere.

When we drove from Pavilion back to Jalan Ampang, again we saw 3 police cars drove by in top speed on the next lane. I ain’t see any criminals running for their life in this disgusting jam.

So after that, when waiting at the junction between Jalan Sultan Ismail and Jalan Ampang (Renaissance Hotel) for the traffic lights to turn green, we saw yet more police cars passed us by the third time. I saw one parked right in the middle of the crossroad and some others fanned out to other areas.

I remember thinking to myself: Ahh… Finally, a good bunch of policemen who were doing their job to relieve the traffic jam! They are so worthy of my tax! (Like I pay heaps)

So we patiently waited for the lights to turn green, or the policeman to wave us to go.

Then the lights came and went.
Then the lights came and went again.
Then the lights came and went and came and went again.

Still we had not move a milimeter and my fuel is dissisipating super fast! All the cars are honking away at the policeman to show their displeasure. What the hell was he thinking? Was his vision only one-sided? How could he not see that we have been waiting for so long and the queue behind was massive?

Despite all the long torturous hoking, we still waited for another 5 minutes before several police bikes flew past us with a big Rolce Royce that has a little flag in front in tow. After the RR passed through, the policeman turned and walked away, leaving us to our own demises.

SO.

We are forced to wait about 15minutes just so the minister/royalty can pass by without interruption and at top speed. At the rush hour of 7ish-8pm. Why can’t these smart people schedule their meetings EARLIER or LATER to avoid the jam?

SO.

Our police force is not mobilized to ease up the traffic but to congest it. Or just to let VIP pass through. Or just to harass bikers.

SO.

All the pain of people caught in traffic jam means nothing to people in power. Maybe they should try taking a cab with crappy driver; or sit in a monorail; or catch LRT when there’s no air-con available.

SO.

I think I need a cold beer in a chilled mug to cool down myself now… Allelujah to happy hour.

are those donkeys I saw in the cinema?

I’m quite concerned about the population of Malaysia, when nowadays I saw more donkeys than proper human beings in the cinema. How do you identify the donkeys? Well…

First they came in a gang (perhaps they like to gang bang or they think numbers scares people) – more than two usually.

Secondly they love to sit in a row. I guess it’s the herd factor.

Thirdly they tend to pick a foreign title movie which they do not understand or appreciate (take The Orphanage as an example) – one can assume they try to act like they know, maybe its a custom in donkey world? Or maybe they thought this will lend them some sophistication?

Fourthly they usually bray (loudly or softly, doesn’t matter) and laugh as only a donkey can when the movie reach the more explanatory bit – you can safely conclude that they are illiterate or they would shut up and the read malay, english or chinese subtitles. The cinema is small you crackhead, we can hear EVERY single little noise!

Lastly they are donkeys firmly because they are so full of themselves and are ASSES for making my cinema experience totally crappy. Half of the time was used to mentally restrain myself from giving them a tongue lashing. (yeah, I still wanna try keep my ladylike image in front of JC)

Well take heed now you donkeys. If you start braying next time you are in a cinema when the show has started beware of the popcorn shower coming your way!

BE CONSIDERATE. WE BOUGHT TICKETS TOO!!!!!!
**a community service line stolen from… either hitz or fly FM***

annoying habits

I am an impatient person
- QUIT repeating to me more than once since I have other work to do
- GET TO THE POINT immediately when you want something out from me and stop hogging the phone line

I am not stupid
- DETEST is an understatement for anyone who writes to ensure that I didn’t do anything as stupid as what they have done.

I am not a superwoman
- STOP thinking I can somehow rather instantaneously miraculously know everything that you know I did not know but you think I should know or would know which you know I could not have known unless you tell me

I am not a robot
- DO NOT for one second think that I can juggle so many things AND can remember each and every single little details (I am not god!)

I am always contactable at working hours
- If you didn’t know about it, there is this great invention call THE MOBILE PHONE, which you can reach me IMMEDIATELY when it’s urgent instead of waiting for me to come back to office and then screw me up because the thing you wanted to ask me is urgent

stress level: 150%

Lots of things to do. Overwhelmed. Swamped. In a good way. I don’t have spare brain cells to think about anything else except work. work. WORK!

give me my personal space!

Whether you like it or not, the whole world has became a place where most urbanites experience a unique sensation – queue-ing up. Be it for food, to get into a sizzling club, for taxi, as long as you live in city, you need to queue up for one thing or another. (Which explains why rich people tend to pay more to skip all these annoying queueing bit.)

Now, since queueing up is part of all urbanites’ life, you would imagine they know the etiquette of queueing up right? Yeah, ok, assume is to make an arse out of you and me so, yeah, I am not assuming, I am hereby declaring that those people who do not know how to queue up are all asses! And I am beginning to think that manners have absolutely nothing to do with the level of education but upbringing of oneself. (Which explains why I have very low opinion on people who cut queue in a traffic jam – you are just a big fat moron who thinks nothing about anyone and everything about yourself).

Let me cite you an example. One fine day when there was a long queue at the immigration in KLIA airport, this tie-suit-guy suddenly waltzed up from no where to the front and pretended to chat with his colleague and then just slipped very comfortably into the line behind her and ignored the rest of the long line behind him. If she is his wife/girlfriend, then fine, I can tolerate that. But no, I think he’s just using her for the queue because I noticed she flinched away a little from him. (Maybe it’s the BO) What an ediot!!! Again, I have to physically restrain myself from hurling abuses to him.

And let me share with you what I 150% hate people to do – bumping into me when they are queueing. Like today, when I was nicely queuing up for food, the woman behind me kept pushing ahead, staying very close behind me, and like a hungry ghost can’t wait to order her food and therefore her stupid bag and her stupid hand kept brushing my arms my bags my elbow and only with a great restrain on my part did I not turn around and screamed at her “STOP PUSHING YOU B!TCH!“

And there’s this one time when this guy stood so close to me that he virtually bumped into me every step I took.

And then there’s this one time when the auntie’s handbag kept slapping my back when she giggled to whatever funny thing her friend said.

What the hell is wrong with these people? RESPECT MY PERSONAL SPACE! I don’t care how long the queue is, or how fat or skinny you are, please refrain from stepping into the 15 inches circumferences around me. You think I’m giving free living tissue to everyone as part of community service project isit? I DO NOT LIKE YOU TOUCHING ME!

For the sake of my eternal sanity, I swear I would scream like a banshee anytime I see anyone cutting queue, bumping into me, or just generally being an uneducated arsehole.

murderous traffic

I’m back! Back from all the SEA countries and finally back to KL. I was so enthused about getting home when I was out there but now, now that when I’m here, now that when I have to face with that drastic traffic every morning and the heart wrenched early mornings, I wish I was travelling again!

I realised I have been blessed all these years working in PJ and in my ex-company. The only times that I have to get through the despicable jam were when I have to go to KL for meetings. But even then it was far and few between so I was OK with that.

Not now.

The jam started just outside my door and merrily continue all the way to KL. The only possible way for the cars to move is to crawl. And then sometimes you get those smart arses who think they can cut queue anytime they want and using emergency lanes and worse still – following closely behind the butt of a rushing ambulance, all contributed to the foul mood every driver will experienced in a jam.

So now every morning I reach office feeling like I’ve just fought a battle, and won the move-along-NOW-you-idiotic-tortoise-driver-with-no-brains-war with my sanity intact.

The thing about jam is that it gives you plenty of time to think – be it reflecting about yourself with the rear view mirror, doing mental list of your work (or chores), or secretly admiring the beautiful lady in the car just next to you. I constantly think about ways to eliminate the jam and I will continue to hope against hope that eventually some official will see the genius of my plan and implement them and thus eliminate this horrible time wasting activity.

1) To encourage car pool – Did you realised most cars have only 1 driver and that’s it? No wonder KL’s flooded with cars! CAR POOL!
2) To have prefix time slots for heavy vehicles to enter city only – especially those bus bullies!
3) To install ERP like Singapore in city centre – I’m sure the roads will be quite clear.
4) To slap a heavy fine to all the wayward drivers – No thanks to your selfish antics!
5) To designate different working hours for selected parts of the city so that not everyone has to go to work and go home at the same time!
6) To have better and more secure parking facilities around the LRT stations, more trips during rush hours, and lower the LRT ticket price to encourage usage.
7) To build covered walkways in cities to encourage walking instead of driving intra-city.
To have more traffic police managing the traffic. Or actually just better manage the timing of the traffic lights!
9) And not forgetting to have better road planning! For goodness sake stop building mammoth buildings without expanding the narrow roads…

Save petrol, lessen fuel emission, save money, save mother earth!

So you see… actually I really did a lot of thinking during the crawl… (nervous laugh)

enough of facebook applications!

I know that Facebook is the rage now. Hell, I am addicted to it as well.

Now I admit that there are some cool (or normal) applications that people just have to add like ‘fighters club’, ‘superpoke’, ‘superlatives’, ‘grow a gift’, ‘hatch a gift’, etc. Nevermind that all these applications will lost their novelty eventually, they are still cool to begin with.

What I don’t get are those remarkably inane applications. To name a few:
- ‘Panty raid’ Great, now they are taking this unwholesome activity to a whole new e-level.
- ‘How hot are you?’ ‘Are you interested?’ Thanks, but I have self-proclaimed to be pretty darn hot so I have no need for reassurance from other people.
- ‘Free hugs’; ‘Free tattoos’; ‘Free whatever’ Enough of e-everything already. May I suggest you walk up to your friend/colleague sitting right next to you and give him/her a *real* hug? It means so much more.

The most annoying of them all is the Vampires/Pirates application because all the newbies somehow rather will received invitations to add those and they did and they will send invitations back to whoever that’s in their list again. Makes me feel like chewing off people’s head whenever I receive yet another vampires/pirates invitations.

Alright, enough ranting. I am just waiting for the rain to subside so I can finish moving THE LAST, THE LAST-ER AND THE VERY LAST-EST bit of my junks.

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